Risk, Reward, Cost

Starting a relationship with someone is always a risk.  As some of you may have guessed I was in one and it ended last week.  I have learned a few things from that.  And, as I deal with economics and risk etc... as a job here are some thoughts on risk.  When we talk about risk with a business decision we talk about reward or cost that could be a result of that risk.  With relationships, it's no different.  We get into them without actually knowing the outcome, risk.

What I noticed this last time is that before getting into them, I need to know that I will be able to handle it if it doesn't last.  Because, this is a very real possibility.  I view dating as a chance to figure out if something will work or not.  We can't know everything, or even enough, about a person before starting that process to know if it will work.  But, we can't know unless we try either.  In the past I tried so hard to make things work that I would twist myself around until I was not myself at all.  This was brutal on me.  The reward that we see at the beginning is that it might work out, for a short while or forever.  The cost is that we try, invest energy and time, and then find out it is not the right thing.  This is likely to come with some difficulty and hurt or sadness.  And, if we are lucky some learnings as well.

This time I was ready to handle whatever happened.  I was ready to try and I was ready to handle the fallout when things didn't work out.  I knew, I really knew, that I would be ok, no matter what happened.  And this is a new thing for me.  It allowed me to see this relationship in a different light.  I was able to take it for what it was and decide for myself whether it was working for me or not.  When it became apparent to me that it wasn't I ended things.  This was hard for me, particularly because it was hard for the other person, but it wasn't devastating.  I had done what I needed to do for myself and in the end that is the right thing, no matter how challenging it was in the moment.

I was ready to accept the reward or the cost.  I knew that the risk was worth it because it might work, but if it didn't that was ok also.  This is such a new feeling for me.   Knowing that I don't a relationship, knowing that I can survive and learn from whatever the experience brings and knowing that I can take care of myself.  I can be myself and see if it works out, instead of trying so hard to make it work, even when it wasn't right.