Friday 24 October 2014

Stigma

Sone days I think that with all the work people are doing to end the stigma around mental health is working. I see the stats that say that the stigma is still going strong, but I so rarely see it in my own life that I find it hard to believe...and then somethimg happens to shatter my illusion.

Recently I told someone that I have been feeling a bit low and that it feels like a depression dip. His answer was effectively to look at all the people that have it worse than me and to snap out of it because my life is pretty good.

At first I was angry about the reaction, and in some ways quite frankly I am surprised that this reaction came from this particular person. But, after some time I am not so angry, but it does make me realize that there is a lot of work to be done.

Depression is not just feeling down. If I could snap out of it when I feel that way, I would. It's not that easy, but boy do I wish it was.

So, what will I do? I will keep talking and not letting stigma and ignorance push me into hiding. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This is not something I chose, nor is it something I brought on myself. All I can do is live the best way I can every day and try my best to help others in the ways that I can.

When Bad Things Happen

This week has been a tough one for most Canadians. An act of terrorism occurred in Ottawa this week. A soldier was killed, the parliament and most of downtown was locked down for hours. The whole country was affected and shocked.

So, what about me? Unexplainable acts of violence are so difficult for me. I think it is difficult for a lot of people for sure.

I am what the psychologists call a highly sensitive person, or other people call an empath. This means that I feel things with other people more than the average person. In some situations this empathy is great. It helps me to connect with people in their joy and sorrow. It let's me understand other people on a different level.

Not only do I have depression, I have some PTSD. I have been the target of unexplainable acts of violence, mainly psychological, but violence none the less.  These kinds of acts are certainly triggers for me.

And so, when horrible things happen I have a hard time. I feel the horror, the fear, the confusion, the anger. I feel how close I am to being overwhelmed by it all, which has happened not so long ago.

I am horrified by the acts of the week. I did however manage to find ways to take care of myself through it all. I checked on my friends. And then I took a break from the events. The news and twitter stories were the same over and over again, so I shut them off. I went to play dodgeball. I know that without taking care of myself there is nothing I can do.

I know that any kind of violence will continue to bother me a lot. I will continue to look for ways to keep myself ok through it.