Today at a couselling appointment I realized how powerful words can be, especially when one is in a vulnerable state.
We were talking about self-blame. I have still been struggling with this from the bullying situation I was in. As I was talking today it came out that the first therapist I saw after that situation told me that I needed to look at my role in all of it as it takes two to tango. The counselor today was horrified to hear that someone told me this.
The truth is that that line never sat well with me. It did however make me feel like what happened was somehow my fault, but in a way that I could never quite get my head around. I was in such a difficult place at the time that I took her word for it, because I didn't know better. It means though that I have been carrying around some nebulous blame for that situation for a long time.
What I really needed to hear loud and clear is that it wasn't my fault. That what happened had everything to do with the bully and nothing to do with me. My only crimes were being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and being a sensitive person which made the whole situation harder on me.
I can finally feel a shift in me over this. Maybe, just maybe I will actually be able to believe that it wasn't my fault and I can let the blame go.
