I've been reading posts on an online site about mental health in the workplace. The posts started by someone talking about wanting to move to 4 days a week from 5 for their mental health. I did this nearly 4 years ago. The advice on the site is all about talking to human rights or mental health association etc... first to find out your rights before broaching it with an employer. There is also someone who wrote about taking some sick time and then being fired as soon as she got back to work.
All of this makes me sad, really sad. I'm glad my experience was so different, my employer was very supportive and I really haven't had a lot of trouble at all. I know that this is not the same in so many places and that makes me sad. Honestly, I am a WAY better employee at 4 days a week. And, in my view, it's a win-win. I get paid 80% of my full-time salary and I have about a 90% workload. It's a trade-off I accept to have the day off. The thing that is so wrong about this is that if it were a physical disability, the advice would probably be very different. Sigh.
It says to me we need to continue talking and talking and talking and talking. If people are having these kinds of experiences then there is so much more education to do out there. Mental illness is not something to be afraid of. And people with mental illnesses can be productive and valuable to organizations. Sometimes we need a little accommodation, but then how is that different from people with physical disabilities, or people with kids who need to vary their work hours to manage that, or people who have spouses or siblings or parents they care for and need to vary their work hours? We all have lives outside work that need to be dealt with, it really makes be sad and angry that mental illness is not just one thing on the list, but seems to be different somehow.
Tuesday 24 May 2016
Saturday 21 May 2016
Finding that Place
I've been struggling in the last 3 weeks or so, to the point where a few people have asked me if I am ok. Lots of reason for it. I decided today that I needed to do something different to regain my balance. So, I read this blog from start to finish. All 5+ years of it. And, I am amazed.
Amazed at my own strength, perseverance and determination. Amazed at where I started and where I am now in comparison to that. Amazed at the themes that are recurring, like the current challenges of taking in the stress and negativity around me, and the things that haven't changed.
And one of the biggest things that has changed. So much of what challenged me in the beginning was my own belief that I didn't merit or deserve any of the good things in life. I didn't believe that I had any right to stand up for what I needed and that I just had to accept the thing that went on around me, even when they were harmful to me. This is honestly not the thing I struggle with the most any more. I no longer feel invisible, I no longer feel like I have no place in the world. I have found my place and I take it up.
I also have been able to find the place where I am generally aware of how I feel and what is going on with me. For so long I had no idea of what I was feeling and what I needed in life.
The things I continue to be challenged by are feeling others emotions and energy too much and letting myself get to the place where I won't ask for help when I need it. I still tend to hide when things aren't good, when a conversation with someone probably would be better.
I am reminded that doing nice things for me is good, and that taking care of my mental health is what matters the most. I am reminded of the people that are in my corner, that love me and who I love.
I am reminded of my own courage, resilience, bravery and strength. Depression really did put me through the wringer, and I really have come out the other side. Unscathed? No. A different stronger person? Yes. I am not sure I have regained my balance, I think Tuesday at work will be telling. What I have regained is some peace.
.
Amazed at my own strength, perseverance and determination. Amazed at where I started and where I am now in comparison to that. Amazed at the themes that are recurring, like the current challenges of taking in the stress and negativity around me, and the things that haven't changed.
And one of the biggest things that has changed. So much of what challenged me in the beginning was my own belief that I didn't merit or deserve any of the good things in life. I didn't believe that I had any right to stand up for what I needed and that I just had to accept the thing that went on around me, even when they were harmful to me. This is honestly not the thing I struggle with the most any more. I no longer feel invisible, I no longer feel like I have no place in the world. I have found my place and I take it up.
I also have been able to find the place where I am generally aware of how I feel and what is going on with me. For so long I had no idea of what I was feeling and what I needed in life.
The things I continue to be challenged by are feeling others emotions and energy too much and letting myself get to the place where I won't ask for help when I need it. I still tend to hide when things aren't good, when a conversation with someone probably would be better.
I am reminded that doing nice things for me is good, and that taking care of my mental health is what matters the most. I am reminded of the people that are in my corner, that love me and who I love.
I am reminded of my own courage, resilience, bravery and strength. Depression really did put me through the wringer, and I really have come out the other side. Unscathed? No. A different stronger person? Yes. I am not sure I have regained my balance, I think Tuesday at work will be telling. What I have regained is some peace.
.
Friday 6 May 2016
Mental Health Week 2016
It's Mental Health Week this week. Before the week started I had plans to do some research, to be active, to share my story, to participate. Then, a major natural disaster and human tragedy happened in my province. A major wildfire that caused the evacuation of Fort McMurray. And I had to rethink what my week would be.
I am a sensitive person/empath. This means that I take in a lot of the emotions of those around me. I watched a whole city evacuated, watched videos of people literally driving through the fire to get to safety, heard stories of people seeing their house catch fire in the rear view mirror as they drove away, heard of people having to flee on foot because the roads were not big enough to get everyone out in the time they had. And I felt the fear, the stress, the anxiety, the sadness.
These are not my emotions to feel, this is not my tragedy, and yet empathy and compassion run deep with me. And so, I needed to find ways to take care of myself, to do what I need to for my own mental health. It meant at some point taking a break from the news and social media, it meant talking to people about my emotions, it meant taking time to figure out, once again which emotions are mine and which are other peoples. And it meant knowing that that was more important right now than all the things I would have liked to do for Mental Health Week.
Working for a end to stigma will still be there when I am able to work to that end again. And by the sheer fact that I am writing this blog post, I am getting there again.
And so, for Mental Health Week I ask you, what are you doing today to take care of your mental health?
I am a sensitive person/empath. This means that I take in a lot of the emotions of those around me. I watched a whole city evacuated, watched videos of people literally driving through the fire to get to safety, heard stories of people seeing their house catch fire in the rear view mirror as they drove away, heard of people having to flee on foot because the roads were not big enough to get everyone out in the time they had. And I felt the fear, the stress, the anxiety, the sadness.
These are not my emotions to feel, this is not my tragedy, and yet empathy and compassion run deep with me. And so, I needed to find ways to take care of myself, to do what I need to for my own mental health. It meant at some point taking a break from the news and social media, it meant talking to people about my emotions, it meant taking time to figure out, once again which emotions are mine and which are other peoples. And it meant knowing that that was more important right now than all the things I would have liked to do for Mental Health Week.
Working for a end to stigma will still be there when I am able to work to that end again. And by the sheer fact that I am writing this blog post, I am getting there again.
And so, for Mental Health Week I ask you, what are you doing today to take care of your mental health?
A Better World
Tragedy, disaster, difficulty. These things bring out the best and the worst in people. There is a wild fire raging in Fort McMurray right now. The whole city, around 88,000 people, is evacuated and a lot of the city has been burned to the ground. Many residents fled, rather than evacuated, many with only the shirts on their backs, some on foot because there was too much traffic for everyone to get out safely. Amazingly everyone was evacuated safely, sadly 2 people died in a car crash once they had made their way to safety.
As the days pass things are still uncertain. The fire is still burning out of control, the weather forecast is for hot, dry and windy. The city itself is located in a isolated area. There is only one access road, it goes north to oilsands operations and camps, and a few small communities, it goes south to Edmonton, which is over 400 km away. Many people evacuated north to get away from the fire, today they will be convoyed back through the city, through the heart of the fire and on their way to Edmonton or Calgary where there are more resources to support them.
In many cases this has brought out the best in people. Random people loading their trucks in Edmonton with gas, water, food, diapers etc... and driving up the highway to the people who were stranded because they ran out of gas. The gas station in Wandering River (2ish hours south of Fort McMurray) walking the line-up to make sure people had enough gas to make it to the station to fill up, people picking people up on the side of the road to give them a lift etc etc... Small communities taking in as many people as they can, some only to be evacuated themselves the next day. I have seen this spirit in other disasters in Alberta. This is a province of "can-do". This reaction makes me proud, and brings tears to my eyes.
The disaster has also brought out the worst in some people. A year ago Alberta elected an NDP government, after decades of Conservatives. Many people in this province do not like this government. People are taking this opportunity to send horrible tweets etc to the Premier blaming her for everything under the sun, including this fire. Ok, so since when does the government control the weather? The winter was dry and warm, spring came early along with hot, dry and windy weather.
The oilsands are, in some areas, a controversial industry. People (and one an Alberta politician) have posted on social media saying this fire is karma for the oilsands industry. This makes me sick. So often the reasoning behind not wanting the oilsands is that the industry is bad for the environment, which in turn is bad for people. So, how do you say this out of one side of your mouth and then, almost, rejoice when people lost everything, including major portions of the city where they live.
Honestly, it is unfathomable to me that people would use a tragic disaster to spout such hateful rhetoric.
How is that caring about people? What ever happened to compassion, empathy, understanding that people are people? What ever happened to respect? To me, this is important components of making the world a better place, and without them, nothing you say or do under the guise of making things better has very much meaning to me.
And so to those who are doing their utmost to help, I thank and salute you. To those who are showing their true colours, I have nothing to say.
As the days pass things are still uncertain. The fire is still burning out of control, the weather forecast is for hot, dry and windy. The city itself is located in a isolated area. There is only one access road, it goes north to oilsands operations and camps, and a few small communities, it goes south to Edmonton, which is over 400 km away. Many people evacuated north to get away from the fire, today they will be convoyed back through the city, through the heart of the fire and on their way to Edmonton or Calgary where there are more resources to support them.
In many cases this has brought out the best in people. Random people loading their trucks in Edmonton with gas, water, food, diapers etc... and driving up the highway to the people who were stranded because they ran out of gas. The gas station in Wandering River (2ish hours south of Fort McMurray) walking the line-up to make sure people had enough gas to make it to the station to fill up, people picking people up on the side of the road to give them a lift etc etc... Small communities taking in as many people as they can, some only to be evacuated themselves the next day. I have seen this spirit in other disasters in Alberta. This is a province of "can-do". This reaction makes me proud, and brings tears to my eyes.
The disaster has also brought out the worst in some people. A year ago Alberta elected an NDP government, after decades of Conservatives. Many people in this province do not like this government. People are taking this opportunity to send horrible tweets etc to the Premier blaming her for everything under the sun, including this fire. Ok, so since when does the government control the weather? The winter was dry and warm, spring came early along with hot, dry and windy weather.
The oilsands are, in some areas, a controversial industry. People (and one an Alberta politician) have posted on social media saying this fire is karma for the oilsands industry. This makes me sick. So often the reasoning behind not wanting the oilsands is that the industry is bad for the environment, which in turn is bad for people. So, how do you say this out of one side of your mouth and then, almost, rejoice when people lost everything, including major portions of the city where they live.
Honestly, it is unfathomable to me that people would use a tragic disaster to spout such hateful rhetoric.
How is that caring about people? What ever happened to compassion, empathy, understanding that people are people? What ever happened to respect? To me, this is important components of making the world a better place, and without them, nothing you say or do under the guise of making things better has very much meaning to me.
And so to those who are doing their utmost to help, I thank and salute you. To those who are showing their true colours, I have nothing to say.
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