It's funny how my brain works sometimes. There is someone at work who I talk to once in awhile. I find that when I do have interactions with her I am always drawn in by her way of being, by the way she talks about things, by the interaction in general. Then afterward, and pretty much every time, I find myself having a hard time.
The way this person sees the world is so different from the way I do, and that is probably where the attraction and the hard time come from. I like to get to know people who see the world differently, to understand their viewpoints and perspectives. This is the attraction piece.
The hard time piece comes from the way she does see the world. She so often sees the world as the glass half empty. So often what she says is a worry about something that might happen. And this is where the hard time comes for me. After a conversation with her yesterday I came home and found myself fretting about all of the scenarios she had brought up (all of which I see as unlikely to ever happen), and wondering what on earth I would do if they happened.
I recognize this behaviour in me, it was so ingrained when I was in the thick of depression. It is also not how I interact with the world anymore. But, with this person I find myself going back there, every time. Funny how one person can open up all those pathways for me again and I can go back to being the way I was. Thankfully, I usually notice that I feel off fairly quickly and can talk myself out of it. I can remember that her way of being is hers and I can choose not to be that way anymore.
The challenge for me, I think is to figure how to manage this in the future. I will undoubtedly be in a position to talk to this person again. How do I avoid the attraction so that I can keep the conversations shorter and to the point I need to discuss with her? How do I remember to let her have her stuff and not worry about it? Things to think about.
