Talk about mental illness and mental health

I had an interesting experience the other day that made me think. Something about a new friends facebook posts made me wonder if he also was living with depression and anxiety. This week I asked him about it. He said yes, and that the only people that seemed to figure it out were those with depression and anxiety as well. This is what got me thinking.

I wonder if it is only people living with mental health challenges that notice or is it that those are the people that ask about it. I know it was a bit tough for me to ask him as I didn't want to intrude or assume, but I did it anyhow. I know that mental health is still an uncomfortanle topic for so many people. Me too sometimes.

So, do people not talk about it because of the stigma or because they are uncomfortable, ot they don't know what to say? Likely a combination of these things and a bunch of other things as well.

Talking is one of the best ways I have to feel ok. Knowing that people are there is so important. Showing care is really what makes a difference to me, and I don't worry about the content as much as the sentiment behind it. And so, I would encourage you all to talk to other people. If you suspect someone is struggling, ask them. You might be wrong, sure. But, you might be right and that might be just what that person needs. To know someone cares. And you never know, you might have an interesting conversation like I did.

Rollercoaster

It's been one of those days with a lot of emotional ups and downs, which might explain why I am exhausted. There was a terrible happening in Calgary last night. 5 university students were stabbed to death by what looks like another student. It makes my heart ache to think of the pain this has caused to so many people.

My friend told me that her teenage daughter cut herself again yesterday. That just breaks my heart.

I had a job interview this morning and a mentally tough meeting this afternoon. Both were exhausting. I feel good about the interview. No idea if I will get the job, but I really feel like I did my best. It was a cool feeling to come out of there really not worrying about the outcome. The rest is out of my hands.

Then I was reading Twitter posts about Clara's Big Ride, which.is all about raising awareness about mental health. So inspiring. If you don't know, Canadian olympic medalist is riding her bike around Canada raising awareness. Pretty cool. She is coming here at the end of May. Knowing that people are out there doing what they can to make things easier makes me glad.

So a day where I have been very aware of my emotions. The awareness in and if itself makes me feel good and helps me to see the progress I have made.

Violence

I just heard someone outside my window saying "then I'll just beat her up". I didn't hear the rest of the conversation, but the way the guy said that made me think. It made me think about violence, and how it affects me.

I am very sensitive to it. I remember once at university someone came to class and her face was all swollen. It really affected me. I have also been so close to it myself. I was in a relationship once where I nearly hit someone. I can't watch the news because all the violence in our world has a major effect on me.

My counsellor said she thinks I am a very sensitive person. This makes sense to me. I am sensitive to the energy around me. Even hearing someone talking about beating someone up is difficult.

In the book "Rilla of Ingleside" one of the characters takes a long time to enlist. Not because he doesn't believe in the cause, but because he is so sensitive to the pain and ugliness of war. I relate to this feeling. I try hard to avoid the violence in the world, or at least seeing it as it affects me so deeply.

Seeing the World

I had an experience this afternoon that make me think about how people see the world. I had two things happen at work this afternoon, one good and one difficult. I told 2 people about them. I started with both of them with "I have good news and bad news". One wanted to hear the good news first and the other the bad news first. Interestingly, in my opinion, the one who wanted the good news first generally has a more positive outlook on life.

This experience got me thinking about how I see the world and also who I spend my time with. I want to see the world in a hopeful way. I know that one of the signs of depression is negativity, and I certainly see it in myself when I am struggling. But, when I am doing ok, how do I want to see the world?

I don't  want to see the world in a jaded and cynical way. I don't want to assume that the worst is going to happen. I want to be open to possibilities. But I also want to be real and authentic. For the most part I manage to see the world this way.

As for who I spend mmy time with... I certainly find myself drawn more and more to people who are generally hopeful and positive. This hasn't always been the case in my life, although at times it has. To me it is a sign of healing more than anything.

Asking

Today I did something at work that doesn't quite seem real, although I know it is. The details aren't important. Let's say that I stood up for myself about something that really isn't working for me. Nothing bad going on, just not right for me. It was a really hard thing for me to do, but I did it.

Not long ago there is no way I would have been able to say anything. I would have been paralyzed by fear. Fear of what people would think of me, or say to me. But today, I didn't let that stop me. I did what I needed to do for me. Wow.

My new counsellor always asks what certain actions say about me...so here goes. I am brave, I value myself enough to ask for what I want, I care about being happy in my work place.

So often I have placed no value on my own needs and wants. So often I have let fear rule the day. Today I took my courage and used it.