No more elephants in the room

I had an email today from a friend, telling me that she and her husband know that I am gay and they love me anyhow.  (On an unrelated note to this post, that was such a lovely thing for her to do).  In her note she said she hates elephants in the room, and she was writing me so there wouldn't me one between us.  Recently, I was telling my counsellor about an incident where someone had used the fact that I live with depression as an excuse for something and didn't actually deal with the incident.  My counsellor said that that is a reason why it is good not to tell people things.

These two things got me thinking about being true, being real, hiding or keeping things to myself.  I realize that not everyone needs to know everything about me because it is not relevant to the relationship I have with them.  But, hiding is problematic too.  I have spent so much of my life hiding.  Hiding from myself, or more importantly hiding myself from myself and others.  I'm tired of it.  It's exhausting and for me leads to depression.

There's risk with letting people in, with telling people things.  They may use that information in ways that I don't like.  But, hiding it when I think it is relevant is worse for me.  There are rewards too.  The same person who used it as an excuse, has also been super supportive in a lot of other ways, partially because she knows.  At this point I am feeling ready to handle the consequences of people knowing things.  I am tired of hiding and trying to protect myself in that way.  I am learning to protect myself in other ways.  I am learning to handle the risk of sharing.

I am done with the elephant in the room.  If the truth is out there, people can deal with it how they want.  Hiding for me denies me of so much happiness and it not a good way for me to live.  Hurt, sorrow, negative reactions are at least real.  They at least still acknowledge who I am, instead of putting on a happy face and dying on the inside.