I've been thinking about the first week of June one year ago, and how it seems so long ago, and also just like yesterday. Last year I was in Toronto for a holiday in early June. And, I was miserable. I was in the middle of a major depressive episode. On the surface, I did fun things while I was away, and underneath I didn't enjoy any of it.
Shortly before going I had been thinking of ending my own life. I'd also been to the doctor, who upped the dosage on my meds. She gave me a depression test. 5 and under is a healthy score. I scored 20. In the end, I went away on vacation and didn't go back to work for over 2 months. And then, gradually upping my hours over the next 4 months.
In so many ways it seems like only yesterday that I was off work on medical leave, that I was sleeping, and sleeping and sleeping... and a bit of knitting, a bit of cycling, and then some more sleeping. Thank goodness for one of my friends who is a teacher. Once the school year was over, she got me out cycling with her, so at least I was doing something. It was a tough time in my life. It's been about 5 months now that things seem to be better.
In other ways, it seems so long ago. I feel like a totally different person, again. Being in place of recovery really is amazing, and I am thankful for it. It amazes me that one year can make such a huge difference in how I feel about myself, and how I see the world.
