Everyone has stuff

The more I am able to open up to people and share of myself, the more I get to see of others as well.  I'm realizing more and more that we all have our own stuff to deal with.  A friend of mine calls these projects, not a bad term.  No one's life is perfect and everyone is carrying around happiness, sorrow, joy, anger etc...

My particular thing to deal with is depression and anxiety.  At least right now.  I'm still in the healing process and while I want to be all good and go hard, I am not yet able.  But, slowly I am able to do more and more.  Slowly I am able to see outside of myself and be a part of the world again, instead of only being able to focus on myself and my illness.  I will continue to take the time I need to.

In the end, it's what we do with our stuff that matters.  We all have good and bad experiences.  How do we react?  Do we let the bad make us bitter, or do we find ways to move through it?  For so long I didn't really have any way to cope with the bad experiences and they nearly destroyed me.  Once the depression set it, there is no real way to manage.  Now I am able to look at them, process them, and move through it.  It's pretty bumpy still and the skills I need to do this are not very well practiced, but I keep on trying.

I guess for me coming to terms with the fact that I have depression has been one of the biggest steps.  It's let me better understand so much of the way my life was.  In a lot of ways it gives me a way to give myself a break.  So often I feel like I should have handled things better, but really I wasn't able to.  And, I can't change that.  I can take what I know now and move with it.  Learn a new rhythm to my life.  Find a new pattern where things work differently that before.  Draw on the strength of those around me when I don't have enough of my own.

By understanding and seeing that other people also have their own stuff I can see ways that they are strong also.  This allows me to see new ways that things can happen.  Change is always scary, but for me, the way things have been is not a viable option so change is the only way forward.