Messages

I'm thinking tonight about how the messages we give ourselves and each other can have such a huge impact on our lives.  For instance I stopped wanted to be a writer because of something my grade 8 language arts teacher said.  Why did I believe her?  Probably because I was 13 and hadn't yet figured out that adults don't always know what they are talking about.  They make mistakes also.

Then I think about an ex-boyfriend who blamed me every time we would have a fight (which was pretty often for awhile) because I would be the first one to yell.  Because of the head space I was in at the time, including depression, I believe his messages that I was the one who wasn't good enough.  Forget the fact that he was a jerk to me for a whole evening and then I finally had enough and yelled.  I think also of a work environment where they had me convinced that my inability to deal with stress was the problem.  Nothing to do with the lack of respect shown for me or the micro-managing or the bullying...

Why did I believe them in both of these situations?  Depression was a huge factor.  My self-esteem was in the basement and I couldn't see past the survival mode I was in.

What's the point?  I guess I have three.  The first is to look below the surface of what you see with people. For me, so much of what was going on was either a cause or an effect of depression.  I wasn't able to come to terms with it, but maybe if someone had pushed harder I might have faced it sooner?  The second point is a lesson for all of us to watch the messages we give to people.  They may have a bigger impact than we know.  The third is that we need to be discerning about what we believe and don't believe about what other people tell us.  Having the self-esteem and confidence to figure what fits and what doesn't fit is important and one of the hardest things I have had to learn. What I think matters above all to me.  I can take what others say or I can reject it.