Fear

Fear is powerful and has an amazing impact on behaviour.  I was talking to my boss today about some challenges I have been having at work and I realized that the problem was actually me reacting out of fear, not reacting to what was in front of me.  The fear is explainable and reasonable as it is based in some past similar experiences where I was hurt and "punished" for acting a certain way.  But, the fear is not based on this situation.

Acting out of fear makes me take the most conservative approach.  It also makes me move back into my shell and hide myself because I am scared of what might happen.  This makes others react a certain way to me.  When I think about this situation I can see that I have been doing this and the reactions I have been getting are also explainable.

Amazing though what recognizing what is really going on can do.  I am not able to strategize better about how I will handle the situation.  I can also think about what an appropriate reaction to the current circumstances are, instead of relying on some instinctual reaction that is not necessarily that healthy.  I am sure this is not the last time I am going to face this situation as I have been in a number of bad situations.  But, I am working hard not to let fear run my life.  Some days it actually works.