Yesterday my family had an early Christmas party. I was in my parents house thinking how different the day was from last year. Last year it was all I could do to get out of bed, I was on sick leave from work and had just started on the anti-depressants (which made me feel awful). My brother-in-law and dad kicked all the women out of the kitchen as my mum had a cast on her foot and my sister was 9+ months pregnant. I was barely coping, barely going, barely functioning, really barely alive. For the week after that I slept at least 14 hours a day.
Yesterday I kicked my mum out of the kitchen at one point. I felt engaged and connected to the people around me that I care so much about. I felt alive. I loved watching my nephew try to sort out what it all meant. I loved feeling a part of my family. I was happy and a part of everything. Such an amazing place to be.
These contrasts are good for me to remember because when I have bad days now, I can see how far I've come. I remember what it was like then, and I see how things are now. It's still amazing to me that things can be as they are now.
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