Today I have been feeling rather out of sorts. The past week has been stressful and I haven't taken the time to stop and figure out how I feel and what I think about the whole thing, and my actions as part of it. When I did, I was actually spurred me onto a whole different topic. Apparently my brain works in mysterious ways.
For a lot of my life I judged my value on my accomplishments. First it was school and then when that was over it was work. It turns out, that for me, this is not a very good foundation for believing I have value and deserve good things in life. It also was a bad way to look at things when my previous job didn't turn out all that well. I couldn't find any value in me. Not believing I had any value definitely contributed the depression.
Today I did some personal writing about how I see myself and how I want to see myself and I will share the flavour with you. I wrote about how I am beautiful and perfect the way I am. Who I am is so much more important than what I accomplish. To me how I treat people, how I interact in the world is what I see as important. And ultimately I am me and this is exactly what matters. I deserve love, respect, caring etc... because of that and really there doesn't need to be anything else. I will make mistakes, I will do beautiful things, I will bring joy and I will bring sadness. This is the nature of being human. All of these things make up me and I am beautiful.
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