One year ago today I made the grueling decision to ask my doctor for anti-depressant medication. My counsellor had suggested it the day before and just the thought of it nearly did me in. It's funny, that decision had to be made when I was least able to make it. One year ago I never would have believed that there was beauty, happiness, joy, peace or love in the world. I was numb to feelings, unable to cope with my world, not really eating, barely surviving every day. It's been a year of pain, hurt, anger, tears, joy, happiness, peace and most of all rediscovering love. I'm truly amazed at how different my world is today compared to one year ago.
Some one told me that she wouldn't wish depression on anyhow, but she was glad she went through it because she came out the other side loving herself. My counsellor told me that one day I would be writing about being happy on this blog. Truthfully I didn't believe either one of them. I had no frame of reference to believe that things could get better. And everything seemed so hard. But they were both right. I find myself doing things that show myself love and for the most part I am happy. This is mind-blowing for me, truly hard to wrap my head around. It's been one year since I decided to really get help, to really admit that I had depression and anxiety, and to finally start on a journey that allows me to be in the world. I feel alive these days. Some days are hard, some are easy, but I am connected to my life. I feel happy, sad, nervous, calm etc... I am grateful that someone pushed me to get the help I needed, even if it was brutal at the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment