Wednesday 21 December 2011

Good sign

I went for lunch with my team at work this afternoon.  It was a lovely afternoon.  I work with good people.  While I was there I noticed a big difference in the way I was acting to what would have, at one time, been normal for me.  Usually at those kinds events I was almost manic, the "life" of the party, and in a lot of ways vying for attention.  Or, the other option was to be quiet and totally checked out, grumpy, depressed etc...

Today I was totally connected, totally present, but quiet for the most part.  I participated some, but in an attention seeking way.  I laughed when it was funny and really was aware of what was going on.  I liked the feeling.  I really am not the "life of the party" type underneath it all.  I also like to be checked in.  It felt, in a lot of ways, like me.  Really me.  These types of statements still give me a whoa kind of feeling as I am still having trouble internalizing it all.

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