I went for lunch with my team at work this afternoon. It was a lovely afternoon. I work with good people. While I was there I noticed a big difference in the way I was acting to what would have, at one time, been normal for me. Usually at those kinds events I was almost manic, the "life" of the party, and in a lot of ways vying for attention. Or, the other option was to be quiet and totally checked out, grumpy, depressed etc...
Today I was totally connected, totally present, but quiet for the most part. I participated some, but in an attention seeking way. I laughed when it was funny and really was aware of what was going on. I liked the feeling. I really am not the "life of the party" type underneath it all. I also like to be checked in. It felt, in a lot of ways, like me. Really me. These types of statements still give me a whoa kind of feeling as I am still having trouble internalizing it all.
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