I know for me coming to term with my sexuality, realizing that I am gay and accepting it, has been one of the best and worst experiences for me. The worst because it is scary. There is still a lot of stigma and prejudice around being gay. There are still incidents where people are bullied, hurt or even killed because of it. So, there is good reason to be scared. It was also a hard thing to tell a lot of people in my life. I can't imagine it's an easy thing for most people to tell their parents. And I used to be part of a religious group where it is considered unacceptable. I wasn't sure what to expect from some of my friends from that group.
Now for the best part. My parents have been great. Still not sure how my dad feels about it all but, as expected, he hasn't treated me any differently. My mum is more vocal so I know how she feels. In the end they have been so supportive and have let me know how much they love me. Really knowing they are in my corner, even when things are hard, has been a huge source of strength. What more could you ask for? My sister also has been amazing and supportive. And my friends, great. I really didn't need to be afraid of reactions of the people in my life at all.
Now for the even better part. Coming out has lifted a humungous weight off my shoulders. You know when you have a secret to keep how hard it is? Well, I have been burying this secret for 25 years. In hindsight I am amazed at the methods I devised to even convince myself that I was straight. But, now that the truth is out, I can see that they were all just coping mechanisms to keep this out of sight.
For the first time since I was a kid, I feel really connected to who I am. I feel like I am able to really be myself. I don't need elaborate coping mechanisms to keep myself going. I can be authentic and real. It is so much less work and such a better way to live. I am me and I feel free. It's an incredible feeling really.
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