crisis

I went to see my counsellor today and she said to me that I really seem to have moved beyond the crisis mode.  This got me thinking about crises and as anyone who knows me will know, I love a good analogy so here goes...

Depression for me really has been a crisis.  At first the crisis hits and you don't know what is happening.  The world starts moving at a different pace than the one you are used to and everything seems surreal.  Then the immediate crisis is over, but really you live in coping mechanism, staying alive mode.  For me this meant just managing to go to work, to get out of bed everyday, to not yell and scream and cry all the time.

Next in a crisis you slowly start the process of looking at the causes of the crisis.  Why was there so much damage when it hit?  When this is emotional crisis it means being more honest with yourself than you have ever been.  This was so hard and for me required "outside" help.  Doctor, psychologist, medication and support from friends and family.  Ever so slowly I was able to clear away the debris from the crisis and find the causes, see my life from a new perspective, get to the bottom of the mess left behind.

Generally the final step is rebuilding.  This is where I am now.  Often it means looking back at the crisis and the clearing away stages and really internalizing the lessons from those times.  In the end it also means doing things differently, building in a new way to hopefully avoid the damage, or maybe, just maybe, avoid the crisis altogether.

My life is so different in so many ways and for this I am grateful and happy.