For the last 5 weeks I have been working, A LOT. Really, I haven't been doing a whole lot else. Tonight I am worn out and tired. But, I am holding on... for dear life it feels like. Tomorrow the pressure will let up some and the next day even more. I am bit afraid of what is going to happen when I let go. This is really the first time of sustained pressure and stress I have had since my diagnosis. Truthfully I wasn't even sure I could handle it at all. I've managed so far... 2 more days.
It has made me realize a few things though. About 14 months ago I stopped working full time and started working 4 days a week. I was pretty sure this was a good decision and really helping me. Now I know for sure. I am really looking forward to having 3 day weekends again. I realize what good balance that is for my life. I also know that I am good for about 2 weeks of a lot of work and then it starts to wear on me. But, I know that even now, I am alive and I am not at the end of my rope. Just worn out.
I can tell writing this that I am tired. I am not sure sure how coherent it is, but I hope the message gets through.
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