Saving grace

I have been thinking about this blog today.  It was so very scary to start it.  So very scary to hit post the very first time.  And yet, I am so glad I did it.  Writing the blog, in a lot of way, has been my saving grace.  It gives me an outlet to write about my life.  To write about what is going on.  And to get some feedback.  I am pretty sure the only people who read it are people that know me.  But, that's ok.  I'm not really writing it to have a large following.  Ultimately, I write for me.

The story on this blog is very personal.  It is my story. It is the good and the bad and the ugly.  Sometimes it reaches into the depths of who I am. It helps me with seeing who I am, and often to gain perspective.

It's funny is some ways.  I always remember wanting to be a writer. At my job now I do a lot of writing, but it is a particular kind of writing for a particular purpose.  I enjoy it.  Writing a personal blog is very different.  As you may have seen, I allow myself to experiment with types of writing.  Sometimes I am more coherent than others.  Sometimes it is emotional, sometimes it is objective.  It's nice to write for no other reason than to write.

I've been amazed though since sharing my story.  So many people have told me their stories.  Stories of joy, of pain, of sorrow, of resilience, of hope, of despair.  I see so much strength in people around me, that I didn't know was there.  I hope that some of the strength I have found shows also.  It's not always easy, but today I feel like there has been a lot of progress.  Would I say I am depressed now?  No.  Am I working on the after-effects of it?  Yes.  But, often I find myself enjoying a moment, for no other reason than I am there. This is still an incredible feeling for me and one I am not sure I will ever take for granted.  I hope not.  The darkness was so overpowering for so long.  It's good to be out of it, despite the hard days, despite the hard times.  Working on the after-effects is a way for me to find my life outside of depression and to find ways to feel alive.