The World in Shades of Grey

Not long ago I would have told you about many absolutes in my life, many things that were black and white. But, recently, more and more I have been finding myself in situations where those absolutes don't work.  I try to make decisions on the absolutes and I am unable to.

I remember often feeling like there must be more to the world than some of the black and white around.  Yet, I was running so hard from who I was, hiding my true self so much, and so scared that it might get revealed, even to me, that I bought into the absolutes.  Or at least I convinced myself I did.

It's scary to start to see that a lot of things I believed were true, no longer seem true to me.  The absolutes are things to base my life on, a foundation.  It feels like my foundation is gone, or pretty much.  I don't really know where I stand, or what is true anymore.  The one thing I do know I guess is that living with absolutes that don't fit who I really am is worse than this completely unsettled feeling I have now.  I have an opportunity to figure out what I want to base my life on.  What really is important to me and what I believe to  be true.  Scary, unsettling.  But in the end, the only way I can see to go forward without going back into my hiding place, and I don't want to do that.