At the end of this week I had a moment where life was good, pure good. I felt joy, peace and happiness all at once. These are emotions that were foreign to me for so long. People would talk about them and I thought I understood. But really I had no idea. My idea at the time of a happy time was one where I was ok enough to smile. Basically not horrible days were good days for me.
Now, when something happens and I feel so good, it's amazing and a bit overwhelming all at the same time. These moments were missing in my life for years. I can hardly believe that they are part of my life now. For me, it takes courage to let myself stay in those moments, to enjoy, to feel good. In order to feel the good, you have to feel the bad. When you feel the bad, you can show cracks in your armour, and people might take advantage of that. At least this was my thought process. The trick is to realize that there are cracks in my armour, I am not perfect, and I don't need to be. If people take advantage of my vulnerabilities, then it's up to me to decide how to react to that. I don't have to let them "win".
I'm going to continue letting myself feel whatever I feel. It's the only way to really feel alive.
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