I went to see a different counsellor this week to explore the possibility of group therapy (at the suggestion of my regular counsellor). Something she said really struck a chord with me. She said there are things that can never be accomplished in individual counselling because of the power differential in the relationship. Her insinuation was that the counsellor had all the power and the client didn't have any. This actually made me angry with her.
It also made me think a lot. Before I was ready to get something out of counselling, I was all the power because I would stonewall the counsellor. Not a great way to get better, but a good way to retain control. When I was ready to really be honest and work at change it felt like the counsellor had a lot of power. I was so confused and scared and down that I wasn't able to really take charge of my life and my healing. I needed someone to help, to give me ideas and things to do. In the end though, it was me that chose to do them.
Now, I feel like I have finally taken back the power over my life. I finally understand that I get to choose what I do and don't do. Just because a counsellor suggests group therapy doesn't mean I have to do it (which is likely going to be the outcome). Just because someone else gives me ideas of things to do, doesn't mean they are right. This new counsellor has no power at all as it turns out. I have the power. I get to choose.
There are days when I forget this, but it was so very nice to really see it in a situation where I have a big decision to make.
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