The ravages of depression

Depression takes its toll.  I learned so many ways of dealing with the world that were totally affected by the fact that I have this illness, and it was completely unmanaged.  My self-esteem was non-existent and so I behaved in certain ways that reflected this.  I also was totally unable to solve problems, so again I found ways to behave that would avoid problems as much as possible.  There are others...

Now, I am finding that these coping mechanisms or behaviours are no longer working for me.  It's so often hard to remember that feeling better is not the only thing I need to do.  I also need to find ways to see the habits that I have that were so much because of the depression and to realize that I can do things differently.  And then, the harder part, figuring out what differently looks like.  Sometimes I feel like a teenager who is just figuring out the world.  I feel unsure and unsettled.  And yet, I know more than I did as I teenager, so it is trying to incorporate that experience in as well.

It's a journey.  It's being gentle with myself and know that I have come a long way down the road and this too is part of the journey.