Talking

I've been thinking a bit lately about this blog and why I started it and continue to write.  Depression is so common out there and so often not talked about.  For me, and I know for many others, this is extremely isolating.  Depression really did make me feel like I was going crazy and like there was something wrong with me.  I knew things weren't right, but I was so far from being able to manage and deal with it.  Since I started writing and telling people about what has been going on with me, it is amazing how many stories I have heard from other people who are going through it, have been through it or know someone else who deals with depression/anxiety.  I wonder if I had known some of this beforehand if it would have helped me?  My guess is yes.

And so I share my story for a few reasons.  Firstly, I know I am not alone in dealing with depression.  It affects a lot of people.  I hope that others can relate to what I have to say and find ways to help themselves that way.  Secondly, it really helps me to write things out.  It makes me pay attention to what is going on with me and find ways to articulate it.  Also, I like writing and am able to tap my creative side when I write.  I think for me this is critical as depression is something that is making me think about how to live my life differently.  Often this is taking creativity of thought to see what the next step might be.  Thirdly, I hope that others will find ways to talk about this disorder.  Keeping it quiet is makes it so much harder when you are in the middle of it.  I encourage you to talk to people about this, you may never know who you are helping.

I have found that there is a general acceptance out there that people with depression are not crazy.  We say there is a lot of stigma out there about depression, but I wonder if that stigma is more our own creation.  I know I was afraid to admit to it myself because I didn't really understand depression, medications and treatments that come with it.  I was scared to death of the next step.  And truthfully because I was struggling so much with it, I had no idea what to expect when telling other people.  What I have found though is strength, my own and from others.  I am grateful for this.

Through my journey so far I have learned to accept depression as part of my life.  I may end up healed and never deal with it again, or I may have to learn to live with it.  Either way, it is something that is part of what shapes me.  I have learned to not be afraid of it, of talking about it, of thinking about it and of letting it be a part of me.