Trauma

I have been doing a lot of reading about trauma of late as it is time to address mine. I am a survivor of workplace bullying. I haven't said those words out loud very much out of fear. Fear of the reaction I might get. Fear of what people will think of me. Fear of believing that somehow saying the words will make me damaged goods and not likeable or employable. But, they are my truth. And the experience was traumatic and I am still dealing with the aftermath.

I haven't been in that workplace for a few years now. The truth is I am finally feeling strong enough to face things. It's interesting that the whole reason I started getting help once I left there is because of what happened there. And yet I have spent a long time now dealing with so many other things. I can see now though how much I needed to be at a certain point to be able to deal with the trauma.

I've been thinking also of how mental health challenges are still really rather taboo. So many people have encouraged me to keep this trauma quiet, for so many reasons. I appreciate the concern, I really do. But, keeping quiet and not acknowledging my own truth makes me feel like somehow I was to blame, or I should feel ashamed or guilty. The thing is, it did happen. And I am not to blame. If there are people who think this makes me damaged or unemployable, then that is their loss. In order for me to live and get back so much of what I lost, I need to start being ok with my life. All of it.