I was cleaning out my spare room today and I came across a box that was still taped up from my move 6 years ago. It said memories on the top, so I thought it would be pretty tame. I was wrong. Inside I find a bunch of stuff that was obviously hastily packed. A bunch of stuff from my last workplace, before I moved to a different city.
I did not have a good experience at that workplace, and I still carry around a lot of trauma from it. When I first opened the box and saw what it all was, I has a major dose of anxiety. At first I figured I would just throw everything out and not have to deal with it, ever again. As the day progressed though, I realized that I couldn't just throw the physical reminders away and never have to deal again. The strong reaction I had, told me that there is still a lot of emotional turmoil.
I also am stronger and better equipped to deal with the trauma than I was 6 years ago. So, I dug in. I made myself look at the stuff I had found. It was hard to start, but as I got going it wasn't as hard as I expected. It was still tough and anxiety provoking to be sure, and some of that is still rattling around in me. It did make me realize how much more I can handle now than I could then.
A couple of things out of this. The first is to remember that I can handle a lot of things that I might at first think that I can't. The other thing is I am more able to give myself a break for staying in a toxic situation for way too long.
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