Starting to find my way

After 3 days of stopping the flood recovery volunteering I am starting to find my way.  Slowly.  I am still dreaming of floods and mud and insulation and garbage.  But, I can read the news again and remember there are other things going on in the world.  I can enjoy the lovely weather we are having here.  I no longer feel guilty about not helping.

At group this past week someone said something that, eventually, has sunk in.  She said that it would be unrealistic to expect that everyone in Calgary is helping the flood recovery as we would be tripping over each other.  (This has actually started to happen as a lot of the work is accomplished).  I have done a fair bit of helping.  It's not up to me to do it all.  It's ok to let other people do it also.

My brain feels like it is healing.  I needed to take care of my mental state.  Still some distance to go, but it is not so overwhelming anymore.  It is not so intense anymore.

I learned (or re-learned I think) a lesson out of all of this.  Taking care of myself has to be my number one priority, always.  This doesn't mean that I don't help people, or that I don't get involved in others lives.  It means that I do it as I am able.  It means being honest with myself about what I am able to do and remain healthy.  It means remembering where my limits are and respecting that.  I got pretty close to the crash line this time.  I probably should have done more taking care of me sooner.  However, I will say that at least I recognized what was happening and managed to do something about it.

Just doing something is a success for me.  At one point in my life, I would have kept going, and going, and going and going.  I would never have stopped to figure out what this was doing to me.  But, I know where that leads eventually.  So, I will celebrate the success and take the lessons forward.