Another step

Well, after 2.5 years I am starting a new adventure.  I talked to my doctor this week and have decided to try stopping the anti-depressants.  The process is to take 1/2 the dose for 6 weeks.  If I don't notice any difference then to stop taking them at that point.

I have mixed feelings about this decision.  I want to try because if I don't need to be taking medications then why take them?  But, I'm scared.  I was in bad shape for so long before I started taking them that I am scared that I will crash that badly again.  Rationally I don't think this will happen, but I am still scared of it.  It's hard to remember that I am not in the same place I was then.

Why now you might ask?  I have done a lot of work in the last 2.5 years to figure things out and to learn new tools to manage.  At this point I don't think that more time is going to make me feel any better.  I am still learning and growing, but that process isn't making me feel better.  If I think this is it, this is "normal" for me, then it is the time to see if I need the medications to control the symptoms.  Also, it is summer, which is a better time than winter.

I am going into this with eyes wide open though.  I know there is a possibility that in order to manage the depression I will need to keep taking them.  There is also a possibility that I won't need to keep taking them. I'll never know until I try.