My recent lesson to learn

Today is a hard day.  I am working on a project at work where the mix of personalities has been toxic from the beginning.  We are now at crunch time so... well you can imagine how well things are going.  Today was another round where a couple of people criticized some work, without providing solutions.  Basically, it feels like all along they have been punting their responsibility on this project.

This seems to be happening in more than one arena in my life of late.  My recent relationship felt a lot like that also, where she wanted me to be responsible for her life.

I guess this is the time for me to learn to deal with this kind of behaviour towards me.  Time for me to find a way to say that this is not acceptable and I will not put up with it.  This is not easy for me.  I'm more inclined to let it go, and find ways to blame myself.  But, if I put up with it, it will just continue and I will be more and more unhappy.  Sadly, I know this from experience.  It's happened to me many times.  Which, I guess isn't really a surprise as it is my instinctual way of dealing with things I don't like.

So, today I am working hard at remembering that I have choices.  I can choose to let people treat me this way, or I can say something.  I can accept their poor behaviour towards me, or I can reject it.  And, I don't have to feel bad about it.  It's ok to stand up for myself.  It's ok to hold other people accountable for things that aren't mine to be responsible for.

I can also choose to be angry all evening or to let it go.  I did stand up for myself earlier today.  I guess I need to trust that that is enough.  It feels like enough for now. I have my doubts that it will change the behaviour, but at least I am not blaming myself.  At least I am recognizing things for what they are.  That in itself is progress.