Today was not a good day for the most part. One of the things I tend to do is push myself too hard, until I crack. Well last night I cracked. I've felt the anxiety building for about 3 weeks not, but haven't stopped to do anything about it.
It's funny how I can know what I need to do to feel better, and yet I slide back into old habits quite easily. Change doesn't come easy, it requires hard work and effort. Sometimes it feels easier to not put in the work, but just let things go on the way they always have. In the moment it seems like the right thing to do. And yet, I know the consequences. Days like today, where I feel like I just can't cope anymore, like I don't want to keep trying. Days where my energy, hope and motivation seem to be nil.
And yet... As my friend said to me tonight, I have tools now that I didn't used to have. I took a sick day today and took care of myself, got some sleep, did some thinking and some writing. I called my counsellor and made an appointment. I went out with some lovely people this evening for some "therapizing" as they called it. All things that I wouldn't have done at one point. And so, as lousy as today has been in some ways, there is always hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment