What matters

I've been thinking a lot lately about what really matters to me. This comes a lot from some things at work that are making me evaluate what I want. (As an aside, nothing particularly bad at work, just those kinds of things that make you think).

I was really sick for quite some time. I had a really hard time coping with a lot of my life. The last 3.5 years most of my energy has gone to working on getting better, and finding a way to live better with depression. I still find I need to pay attention to this, but it doesn't consume all of my energy anymore.

So now, what so I want to do, how do I want to live my life, where do I want to put my energy? A lot of people I have been around in my professional life value a career very highly. I certainly work in a field where this is possible. Easy to value the next promotion, the next big project, the recognition etc... There is certainly an appeal to this. But, I have to say it isn't what I want.

I want to live. I want to have energy to experience all of my life, not just my professional life. For so long I felt like I was only existing and not really actively participating in my life. I want to feel alive. I want to experience my world. I want to be able to do the things that make me happy. I want to have adventures. I don't want to get older and say "if only". And so, knowing all this helps me put my career in a certain place on my priority list.

My current job enables a lot of the other things in my life that are important to me. When it is time to look at a change, it is good to know what I want from a job... and what I don't want. I am still figuring a lot of this out. I have made a start.