Ruts

Being stuck in a rut is no fun.  I know this in a literal sense from years of living in Edmonton.  More often than not at some point in the winter, the street I lived on would be a one-way street and you could only drive in the ruts.  It was often interesting as I had a small car and usually fairly bald tires.  I knew as long as I kept moving and kept in the ruts, I would be fine.  But then there would come a time when I would have to get out of the rut to get where I needed to go.  It was sometimes challenging, but over time I learned exactly how to hit the gas, turn the wheel, hold my tongue and close my eyes.  I got rather good at getting out of the ruts over time.

Lately I have been stuck in a rut, and it definitely isn't leading where I need to go.  The rut was my life.  Go to work, come home, stare at my computer and play silly games and feel sorry for myself, go to bed, maybe sleep if I was lucky, get up and repeat.  Day after day.  Once in while I would do something different, but it was generally the same.  I can see now that this rut was sucking the life out of me.  I wasn't doing anything I really enjoyed, I wasn't really engaged in my life.  I was in a role at work that I wasn't enjoying (which, thankfully is over now), and when I got home I didn't do anything to feed my soul.

I didn't even really notice I was in a rut until it was too late.  By then I thought I had no idea how to get out of it, like I was stuck there and depression set in again.  This starts the vicious circle as depression makes it hard to problem-solve, and to be creative.  Seeing a new counselor helped me some.  It made me start to pay attention to what was going on with me again.  Eventually I saw the rut.

What I had trouble remembering is that I know how to get out of it.  Do something, anything, differently.  Read a book, draw a picture, do a cross-word puzzle, do a jigsaw puzzle. Whatever it takes to change things up, even a little.  That is the way out. That is how it is done.  It doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to be big, just remember that I know the way, I know how to get out of the rut.

And so, I bought 5 jigsaw puzzles.  You can see the first one in the last post.  A picture of the second is attached below.  This one went pretty fast as I have been home sick with the flu for the last week.

Doing the jigsaws has been helping.  I have also watched 2 movies and read 3 books this week.  I went 4 days without turning on my computer.  I used my tablet, but when I am using the tablet I am way less likely to spend a long time on it.

So, how do I feel now?  Still down, still not great.  But, better.  At least I feel like I am doing something and I don't feel so stuck.