The Hard Stuff

I've been thinking a lot tonight about the hard stuff in life.  We all have things in our lives that are hard.  So often it seems to me that other people take all this stuff in stride and I can't.  I so often find myself overwhelmed at things that, at least from the outside, seem like no big deal to the people around me.  For so long I pretended that I was fine, that I wasn't affected, like things were no big deal.

I know now that for me there are a lot of things that are a big deal.  A lot of things that are just hard for me.  Maybe they are hard for other people too, but they manage to put on a brave face.  Or maybe they really aren't affected.  Either way, I need to experience my life the way I experience it.

I am sensitive to things that go on in the world.  The cruelty that is in the news all the time is pretty hard for me to handle, so I ignore a lot of it.  Not because I don't care, but because I care so much it almost takes me in. I do have bouts of loneliness, depression, sadness.  I do take on other peoples emotions more than other people seem to. It's all a part of being me.  The truth is that coming to terms with this makes things easier.  I am finding ways to experience my life, instead of judging myself for reactions that seem to be out of line with other peoples.

What I can see is that the judgement on my reactions was me being mean to myself. I would chastise myself for feeling a certain way because I thought I shouldn't feel that way.  But I did anyhow, I do anyhow. By letting go of the judgement I am able to be more me, more connected to my emotions.  I am starting to see some of the things I mentioned above as strengths instead of weaknesses.

I am compassion, I have empathy.  I am sensitive to peoples energy and I'm learning to be sensitive to my own.