Stigma and strength

Recently someone was being very critical of my journey the last few years.  Essentially they were saying that I ended up with depression because I am weak, that there is something wrong with me, that I am useless.  Nice hey?  On the upside it really made me think about some things and that has been useful.

I started to wonder if I do believe some of the stigma out there about depression?  Do I believe it is a weakness or do I believe it is an illness?  Before I really started thinking about it, I would have said an illness, but I found something inside me that still believed some of the myths about depression.  This part of me associates depression and shame.  I didn't even know it was there truth be told.

Now it's out in the open and I can deal with it.  That seems better.   Shame is one of those things that grows better in the dark.

I've been thinking a lot about what I have faced and the work I have done in the last nearly 3 years.  And I can see how far I've come.  I can see how much strength and courage it took to face some things head on.  I've dealt with some really hard things and come out the other side.  I am not depressed anymore.  This is helped by the anti-depressants for sure.  I've also come to terms with so many hurts in my life.  It's all been really tough.  The thing is, I am stronger now.  I have tools now. I am not perfect and certainly I am finding old habits die hard.  But, I notice myself in those habits now and can recognize them for what they are.

The person who was criticizing me is wrong.  Depression for me is about weakness, it's about strength.  It's about having to make some difficult decisions when I was least equipped to do so.  It's about facing a lot of the hurt and hard things in my life.  It is about finding the strength I have to persevere.  I am proud of where I am now.  Sure, I'm still working on some things, but I doubt that will ever change.