Tonight at group the facilitator announced that she will be closing the group at Christmas time. Ever since then I have been trying to figure out how I feel about it. Sad, kind of. Relieved also. Scared, anxious and nervous - yep.
Sad because it will be weird to be out of the lives of the people I see every week right now. Scared, anxious and nervous... this is one of the ways I currently use to work through things. It is one of the tools in my tool kit. It would be one thing if I had decided that I was ready to leave. But, the decision is being made for me.
Relieved. The thought has crossed my mind a couple of times to think about how I would know when it is time to leave the group. A few times of late when I have been there I have left feeling that there is so much emphasis on the bad things in life there. It's not that they don't happen, it's just that sometimes it feels like I am looking for something bad so that I have something to talk about. We talk a lot about emotions like anxiety, anger, sadness... but never really about joy, happiness. It's not bad, but I have been finding myself frustrated by it in some ways. I want to experience all that life has to offer, not just the tough stuff. But, the truth is I am not sure I will feel ready by December.
And so, I guess for me it is a mixed reaction.
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