Coming out as lesbian has been one of the most healing parts of my journey. This happening about 2 years ago. It's been hard also, but in ways I didn't expect.
The truth is, actually coming out, actually admitting that I am gay, was hard. But, it also felt like a huge relief. It took a bit of time to get used to for sure. But truthfully, once I got my mind around it, it isn't so bad. It feels like me being myself for the first time in a lot of years.
It's been hard also. I have found that being part of the lesbian community where I live is not as easy as I would like. There are three things I have come across that I am really struggling with. The first is being called a "baby lesbian" (not everyone is like this, but I have come across it). Now, I know where this comes from, I've been out a couple of years. Lots of people have been out for a lot longer. But the comment has always been said to me in such a condescending way. Almost like I have no right to claim my own experiences, or like I am somehow inferior because of my life's journey.
I wonder why it is that a few women who have been out for a long time need to put those of us who haven't been out so long down. Does it make them feel superior because they have been out longer? Surmising on my part. I really don't want to guess. What I do know though is that it really does bug me. I have a right to my own journey, my own process of getting where I am today.
The second thing has been some women, who seem very hung up on the stereotypes of being lesbian. I've been faced many times with being asked if I identify as "butch" or "femme", am I a lipstick lesbian etc... I've always hated labels, it doesn't matter what they are. Especially when the labels are meant to describe stereotypes. I find when I get in a situation like this, it really makes me feel like there is no room to be me. All of me, not just the parts that fit into some pre-defined box. I am lesbian. I guess if that is a label, I can accept it. But, what I mean when I say that is that I am much more attracted to women than men. It ends there.
The third thing I have been bothered by is the lack of acceptance of others. I have come across a number of women who say that all they want is to be accepted for who they are, and yet these are the same people who make nasty comments about some of my friends. For a long time, I was a devout Christian. I am not any more, but a number of my friends are. When I mention this to some of the gay women I have met, I have heard a lot of "they are so wrong", how can any one believe in Christianity, it is so horrible and so wrong.
I'm not sure what I was expecting. I guess I was expecting something different than I have found and I am disappointed. And yet, as I write this, I realize that likely the problem is that my expectations were off. People are people, no matter if they are gay, straight, black, white or purple. I have found in the lesbian community the sames things I see in the rest of the population. Some amazing people, some people I don't like at all and all people in between. It has been good to write this. It makes me remember the awesome women I have met. It makes me remember that if I want to find people in the lesbian community to have as a part of my life, I need to focus my energy on the awesome people and let the ones who bother me be who they are, far away from me.
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