Old hurts

It's funny what can bring up emotions that I thought were dealt with and long gone.  I have been having such a lovely weekend, full of family and friends and fun.  Then, this evening, a post on someone's facebook page has me in tears, and not because the post was sad.  For some reason though it has me feeling lonely and rejected, feeling that same feeling of not fitting in anywhere that I have felt so many times in my life.

So often I feel on the fringe of things. Like, people like me, but don't want to be friends with me.  This started in about Jr. High School and reoccurred so many times in my life.  And, at times it hurts.  Tonight I am feeling some of those old hurts again.  And yet, I'm not sure it is all old hurts.

I've been back in my hometown for 4 years now and often it still feels like I am starting new.  So much has changed for me since coming to terms with having depression and I am different.  So, logically I know that in a lot of ways I am starting anew, again.  But, still, it is hard to always feel like I have to be the person putting myself out there to meet people.  And, well, I feel like I am learning to interact with people all over again.

There are good people in my life.  I have friends here.  Maybe it's just old hurts I thought I had dealt with.  Feelings of rejection.  Hopefully a few tears will work some of that out.