Uncertainty

Boy time flies sometimes. I can't believe I haven't posted anything in 6 weeks. Anyhow on to today's post.

I started a new job yesterday. Same company, but a new position. The last time I started a new job was 6.5 years ago, almost to the day. I had forgotten how difficilt it is to move from a place where it is comfortable, where the routine is the same everyday, where for the most part you understand what your day is going to look like. Then to move to a new floor, a new unit, a completely new topic area that you know nothing about, new people, new routines etc...

I've learned through this that there are some kinds of uncertainty that are easier for me to handle than others. The part about being new and needing to learn the job is difficult and mentally tiring for sure. Biu it isn't causing me a whole lot of anxiety. What has caused me the most anxiety, so far anyhow, was when there were complications to do with the job that made it unclear if the job was going to happen. Once that was all sorted out, the logistics of the physical move gave me a lot of anxiety. And the final piece was needing to have a chat with my new boss about expectations.

When I look at the things that I would call triggers for me, I guess none of this is really surprising. The bully that was my boss at a different workplace, didn't do a lot of things that she should have and I got the blame somehow. Also, navigating the relationship with a new boss because you really just never know how that will go. And again I have had one horrible experience and a couple of bad ones. I guess it is no wonder that the things that felt completely out of my conteol caused me anxiety. And figuring out my bosses style does it too.

The upside is that while this whole process was definitely difficult on me, I managed to recognize that it was tough. And that there were certain aspects that were hard on me. I also managed to do a few things to mitigate the uncertainty. When my old boss offered to try and find out what was going on because she needed to know also, I let her. I asked the person in charge of the move for the things I needed. And I had a chat with the new boss this morning about expextations, hers and mine.  All of these things were dfficult, but I did them.

And I can see in the way I am interacting with the new folks that I am able to portray that I am new and need help because I don't know, without being apologetic or insecure about that.

It's nice to see some of the work I did on developing coping tools paying off. I am still dealing with some anxiety over the change, some of which is probably normal. But instead of going for a tailspin, I am finding ways to cope.