Dashed

For the last 2 weeks there has been an Amber Alert out for a 5-year old boy and his grandparents here where I live.  Today the police announced they are charging someone with 3 counts of murder.  It is hard for me to fathom.  Writing is so often my outlet for things, and this has been rattling around my head today.

A city on edge.
Hoping against hope.
Praying.
Knowing that the hope might be for naught.
Knowing that the prayer might be for naught.
And yet continuing on.

Trying to ignore the voice in your head
That says, if they are alive, why haven't the police found them.
Trying to ignore the terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach
That grows stronger everyday.
Wanting so badly to be wrong, so wrong.

Thinking, it will be ok.
He's with his grandparents at least.
He's not alone.
They are ok.
It's one of those weird stories where they are stashed away.

And then you hear the Amber Alert is cancelled and the police will update soon.
And the hairs on your arms stand up straight.
The feeling in the pit of your stomach gets worse
You feel tingly in an eerie way all over.

And then, you know.
You know the truth.
You want to throw up
You want to scream
You want to cry
Anything, anything.

And all that goes through your head is how
How can anyone do that?
To other people?
To the kid who was there my fluke.

Families destroyed.
How does the family go on?
How do the parents cope?
How do they raise 2 other kids who deserve a normal life?
How, how, how?

A city in mourning.
Sadness and anger abounds.

To the families of those killed, my heart goes out to you.