Bullies and suicide

This week there is a video that has gone viral about a teenager who committed suicide because of bullies.  At least that I what I presume the video is about. The truth is that I haven't watched it.  I can't.  I can't because it hits too close to home.  I too considered suicide a viable option to getting away from a bully.  Only I was an adult, not a teenager.  I know how bad a place you have to be in to think that is a good option.  The place of feeling so helpless, of not being able to see alternatives, of not really understanding that there are options, that things will be better.  The feeling of being stuck in the current misery forever and just wanting it to end.

Just writing this makes me cry.  The fact that suicide has been in the media and a topic of discussion so much is good.  People need to understand that this happens.  It's hard on me though as it brings make so much pain.  The pain from my experience but also from suicides and attempted suicides by people around me.  I was 13 the first time I knew someone who killed themselves, it was a boy in homeroom at school.  When I was 18 a guy in my residence killed himself and 2 others tried.  These were the closest ones to me, but there were others that I knew about also.  I don't remember ever really talking about it, or knowing how to talk about it.  I didn't talk about it when I was on the edge either.  I went to work, and had to deal with the bully, just like everything was fine.  And so, I talk about it now.  It's after the fact, but I realize as I write this, the pain is still there and very much real.  Things to process, things to think about and things to talk about.

It hurts so much being in that place where there seems to be no solutions.  It hurts to know people who are in that place and it hurts to know of people that are there also.  The pain is raw all over again.  The desperation is raw all over again.  I am sad for me, and for all others that have been there, as it is such dark dark place.  I wish there was some way to let people know that it does get better, that the current situation is not all there is.  I'm crying now... releasing pain, feeling pain, hopefully healing some pain.  Don't judge people too harshly, they are desperate and don't know what to do.  Try to show them a better way...