A colleague, not one I knew well, but one I have talked to on numerous occassions, was charged this past weekend with murdering his wife and hiding her body since last November. Pretty freaky really.
So, they say that one trauma is likely to open up other past trauma. Living with PTSD, I know well how this works. Today this happened to me. It is funny where the mind goes. For me, it was to my 1st year at university, living in residence. One of the guys in rez, from my floor, took his own life over Christmas vacation. The university did precious little after the fact. Well 10 months later they sent in grief counselors. And in the first week back from vacation they told us not to talk to the media.
Today the opposite happened. There was a counselor on sight all day and he held a number of group and individual sessions. I guess this is the part that triggered the old trauma.
I remember the feelings of confusion, disbelief and sadness when it happened. I also remember the feeling that nobody cared. Not about him, or about the effect of his actions on us. Hard things to process. Today I knew that people cared about the effect this was having on people.
I am ok this time. The one thing about going through the process I have been through with depression, trauma and PTSD, is that I am so much more aware of what I feel and need. Yesterday when I read the news, I contacted my sister and my parents. Today I rearranged a meeting to be able to go to one of the group sessions. Little things maybe, but the things I needed to do to take care of me.
Not that many years ago I would have felt like I didn't deserve to have any feelings about this as I didn't really know the guy. I would have thought that I didn't deserve to take the time I needed to do some things that are good for me. What an amazing difference for me.
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