I hate the term "coming out of the closet" or the shortened versions "coming out" or "out". It is used as short-hand for "when did you tell the world you are gay/lesbian?" I am sure it it used for other people on the sexual spectrum as well, but that is out of my realm of experience and therefore I will stick to what I know.
Why do I hate the terminology? Mainly because, even though things are changing, it continues to speak to shame. It still says that people whose sexual preference is not heterosexual need to tell the world about this side of themselves, and that this side is something that was hidden in the proverbial closet. Something to be kept a secret. Something to be ashamed of.
This terminology is pretty ingrained in our society, both with those who are gay and straight. When I first started going to events and getting to know other lesbians, the first question was almost always about when I came out. (As an aside this is a real turn-off for me and a big part of the reason I don't participate in many of those events). Sometimes the question was asked in a way that was meant to be kind and supportive. In those instances the response to my answer of recently was usually kind. In some instances, the question was asked so that the person could feel good about themselves as they had been "out" longer. The term "baby lesbian" was condescendingly used a number times.
So, why can't we just be who we are? Do I want some people in my life to know I prefer women? Absolutely, mainly so I can talk about who I am freely, and maybe they can set me up? The thing is though that is only a part of me, in the same way I like to cycle and knit are parts of me.
I am sure the terminology will continue to prevade for a long time to come. Used in a way that is not meant to illicit shame is fine with me. I hope this is becoming more and more the norm, in all circles. Everyone, gay, lesbian, straight or something else, has their own journey. Sexual preference is one of those steps.
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