After I wrote my previous post last night I was still bothered by what it was that was really bothering me, what it really was that had set off the trigger reaction. For me, finding the source of things is essential to figuring out how to move forward. I knew it had to be something at work, but I couldn't put my finger on it. The new job is hard, but there is really nothing about it that seemed to be the issue.
Today I found the source. It was something at work. There was something that happened last week where some people were very disrespectful to me, all in the name of helping me. And that's the piece that felt familiar in a dangerous way. That's the piece that made my brain feel like I needed to go into protect mode. That's the piece I need to deal with. I know this is the piece because I feel calmer already, which is also the way my brain works. I do much better with the known than the unknown. That's how the workplace bully tried to spin her ridiculous behaviour, that she was helping me. Ha, not.
This situation is different, and I somehow need to convince my brain of that.
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