Wishing

Some friends of mine got married today.  I am so happy for them.  But, it makes me sad for me. For the most part I am ok with being single, but there are times when it is hard to take.

I think about how long it's been since I had a date.  How long it's been since I've even felt interest in anyone.  It's a side of my life that I often wish was different. Coming out was hard, but it seems that meeting single lesbian women is also hard, for me anyhow.  It's pretty tiring to be out meeting new people all the time.  It's tiring to go to big social events.  And, these are the only ways I seem to be able to meet lesbian women.  Maybe there are other ways?  Not that I am aware of.

I've always said that I am ok being single and I would rather be single than in a bad relationship.  The second part is certainly still true.  A lot of the time being single is also fine, but there are certainly moments.  Some days I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can't meet people.  Other days I can see it more objectively and know that it is just circumstantial.

I know that I have changed a lot in the last few years.  I know that what I am looking for in a partner is very different from what it used to be (the coming out aside).  I feel like I am better equipped for a relationship now than I have ever been.  I am certainly more in tune with who I am, what matters to me and what I am interested in.  Maybe it'll happen some day.  You never know.