Heavy

Do you ever have those days when it just seems like everything in life is heavy?  I'm having one of those days today.  Lots of talk about death, sickness, crime, murder etc...  I am know I am sensitive to these things and they affect me a lot.  When there is too much of it, it is hard for me to handle.  These are all parts of life I know, but today feels like a lot.

I am noticing a difference in me though, compared to a different time in my life.  At one point this kind of heaviness would have caused me to completely shut down and not let myself feel anything.  Today I am having trouble with the intensity of the emotion and how to manage that. 

What it does show me though is that I am connected to my emotions, I am in my life instead of watching it from a place of numbness.  This is what I have been aiming for throughout the last few years.  My goal has never been to feel good all the time.  That's totally unrealistic.  My goal though has been to experience life instead of shutting it out.  I am doing that today.  It's hard, partly because it is hard, and partly because it is not something I am used to doing.  But, the point is, I am doing it.

Today feels heavy, but at least it feels something at all.