Bigger things going on

Do you ever get the impression from people that there is something bigger going on than what they are telling you?  It always makes me wonder why people won't just be honest up front and be done with it.  Sometimes it hurts more in the short-run, but in the long-run it is better.

But, then I think about my own actions.  I hate to hurt people, even when it is a consequence of doing the right thing.  Even when there is nothing I can do to help it.  So, sometimes I wimp out and try to soften the truth in order to not hurt someone else.  I am trying to at least evaluate this before I do it to decide which way will do the least harm.  Is dragging something out going to be easier?  Depends on the situation.

The other reason I can see that people shy away from the truth, and me included, is that by telling the other person the truth, they would have to admit something to themselves that they don't want to.  Pretending that things are ok, or minimizing things, is certainly one way to avoid things that are uncomfortable.  I am pretty good at this.  The thing I have learned is that for me, this doesn't do me any good in the long run.

Those things that I tend to avoid, have almost always come back to bite me.  Again, sometimes not dealing with something right away is the right thing to do.  But, I know that this needs to be a decision, not an automatic reaction.  When it is an automatic reaction is feels more like denying that anything is going on, pretending things away.  When it is a decision to put something aside, it is a choice.  It is still an acknowledgement that it is there.  It feels kinder to myself to say that yes something is going on, but now is not a good time to deal with it.  For me, it stops the cycle of self-judgement about feeling the way I do, but keeps things manageable.

The other thing I know is that when I am able to admit that thing to myself, I am way less likely to take things out on other people.  I can see better what is my role and what is theirs.  I can address behaviour towards me and coming from me that I don't like, without overreacting.  It is the hard way to do things, but in the end it is the kinder way.  I am not perfect at it (and don't actually expect ever to be), but I am way better about being honest with myself than I used to be.  This has improved my life and freed me in so many ways.