Making things normal

I've been thinking a lot lately about making things normal.  Things that haven't been normal for me, incorporating the lessons I have learned in a way that makes those things the way I do things, instead of feeling so foreign.

Some of this has happened organically with time. I heard on the radio the other day that high energy new, but good, decisions can become low energy habitual decisions over time. This makes sense to me. As I learn things and see different ways of handling life it is slowly getting easier.

Other things are a bit strange still. One of these things is not feeling anxious all the time. It's still completely weird to go about my day without everything throwing me for a loop, feeling so anxious that I can barely cope.

Another thing I am still getting used to is being lesbian. I went to a dance on New Years that was women only. I found myself spending a lot of time lookong around, almost to the poin tof staring. Not because I was riveted or anything, but because I was trying to make what I saw there normal for me. Watching women dance together, grind together and sometimes make me want to say get a room.  We often see straight people make out on tv or movies, lesbians not so much. Making this feel normal for me is going to take some time yet.

So often lately I find myself wondering why I am not upset about certain things, thinking my reactions are not like me. The thing is, I think they might just be exactly like me, just not like me with depression.