I didn't go to my Xmas party

I didn't go to my work Christmas party this afternoon.  In the past I would have been the first one to buy a ticket.  Today I didn't feel like going.  The truth is that I don't really enjoy those kinds of activities all that much.  Why did I always go then you may ask.  I was hiding from so many things.  I was so depressed, but of course no one would suspect it of the life of the party.  I had so much pain inside, but that is easy to ignore when you are busy being chipper and happy.  At least you can do this for awhile.  I didn't want people to know how much I hurt, how depressed I was.  Frankly I didn't want to admit it to myself.  So I found ways to hide, ways to be the opposite of how I really was, so I could lie to myself and convince myself I was fine.  Today I didn't go to the party, and for me this was a success.  I am tired of hiding.